There are those who look at those I call my friends and they say I am fortunate. They see the beautiful women that I know and they are envious--even jealous.

Yes, most of my friends are women of exquisite beauty.

However, every night I sleep alone. Not one of those women is mine.

If you are to be jealous, be jealous of the man who lays beside the woman the world sees as average--the woman he sees as beautiful. The woman he loves.

Do not be jealous of my unrealized potentials. They are simply dreams.

And dreams cannot kiss your forhead when you are troubled.

I got bored this weekend, so I sat down and designed a silly little theme for WordPress (that's the program this blog uses, if you didn't know). It's called "Corkboard", and it's available at geekniche.

Here's a peek:

EDIT: It's been up for less than 24 hours, and already I've gotten over 200 hits, and Blogging Pro has posted it with encouraging comments.

Jumbo shrimp (yes, I have been on a shrimp kick lately) sauteed in olive oil with a dash of sesame oil, with fresh diced garlic, coarse-ground black pepper, and sesame seeds.

Add a splash of red wine at the end, let it boil away.

Laid on a bed of rotini with 4-cheese alfredo sauce and grated parmesan.

Yummmm.

"God is an Irish woman."

I'm inclined to agree.

One must place the well-being of others at or above one's own needs and desires.

Be polite. Attitude and words present you to the universe. It takes no more energy to be polite than it does to be rude. The directing of that energy to the simple forms of pleasantry is an investment whose interest is uncalculated, but significant. Even if your actions do not change the reactions of the individual with whom you are interacting, they color the perceptions of those who witness these interactions and their subsequent repercussions. They lay the foundations. Those who see your actions may refrain from placing stones on your Path, or may remove the stones they see. Think always of the greater view. The Path is not the step you are about to take, it is where you foot will land one thousand steps from now.

By helping those who surround you, you build a network of those who will return the help in such times as you need it. Honor is gained. Respect is gained. And most importantly, strength is gained. Placing the needs of others above one's own takes courage. Such courage, when acted upon, begets strength. Strength which enables one to survive the battles which must be fought alone.

One must not, however,destroy the self to preserve the other. If the self is destroyed, it cannot teach, it cannot protect. It is a common misconception that one cannot give too much. A true warrior chooses his battles. One person cannot save the world. One person cannot give all to everyone. It is vital to the strength and sanity of the Self to know when to fight, when to aid, when to give to others, and when to give to one's self. Attempt to help everyone, and you will not have enough for anyone. Place everyone before yourself, and you will fail.

In December I signed up for YowCow at the request of an employer. Repeated problems with PayPal, and a general dislike for their business restrictions, led us to look for an alternate service. At the time, YowCow appeared to meet our needs.

Both my employer and I (as well as another freelancer I work with) created YowCow accounts. From the very start, there were problems. I heard from my employer that the methods she was provided for depositing funds were overly restrictive. It came down to her having to mail a money order to your location. This took several days. At this point, she could have mailed funds directly to me, and I would have had them. However, ecomomy of scale suggested that one large deposit in YowCow, and successive smaller withdrawls by various contractors would still prove the best tactic.

Upon receiving notice that I had money in my account, I proceeded to initiate a withdrawl--only to find out that first you had to send me a verification via snail-mail. This added a 2-week delay for something that should have taken no more than 4 days; something I know from professional experience in membership and customized mailing services.

Upon receiving the authorization number via snail-mail, I entered it and, again, went to withdraw my funds. This time I find out that their is no option to place it on a credit card or directly deposit into a bank account. My options were a wire-transfer or a paper check.

I contacted my small-town bank and asked about wire-transfers. They are not able to accomodate them directly, and the steps involved in using a proxy make it prohibitive for me. I was required to resort to a paper check being mailed to me. I selected this option, accepted the fees, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

15 days after being told my withdrawl was processed, I checked my account to see why I hadn't received a check. The transaction was still listed as "pending". At this point, I started to do a little research.

I've discovered that you've taken it upon yourself to question my relationship with my employer, with the implication that you will withhold payments if you're told it's unsatisfactory. My working relationship is between my employer and myself, unless one of us specifically requests that you assist in a payment dispute.

I've discovered that you questioned a fellow freelancer, and accused him of not providing the services described. You actually suggested that he needed to provide proof that he was a programmer.

I called the number listed on your website to ask for an explanation. What I got was a generic voice-mail message that did not even state the name of the company I was calling. I couldn't tell if I was calling a business or some teen-agers's cell phone. I left a message with my phone number, but receive no return call.

20 days after requesting withdrawl, I again called the number on your website. This time, an actual person answered.

First, she was unable to identify that I was even a user of your service. After a few minutes, she found my account, but had no record that I had requested a withdrawl. After informing her that I was looking at my account screen and it plainly showed a record of the request and the current status of the transaction, she managed to find it.

When I asked about the delay, I was informed that all transactions had been cancelled because of suspected credit-card fraud (which I found interesting, since I had been unable to find any method of using a credit card for transactions), and that they were all being re-entered. Mine was due to be processed on the 28th--24 days after request of withdrawl. And I still have to wait for a paper check to be delivered.

Having worked for a company which specialized in time-sensitive mailing, I know how long it takes a first-class letter to be delivered between regions of the U.S. In this case, 3 days would be ample time to reach me. It took 9. When I looked at the envelope, I discovered why. The check, dated Feb 28th, was in an envelope postmarked Mar 7th. Since I know the USPS postmark is valid, that means that my check sat in your offices for 7 days before being mailed. There is no valid excuse for that delay. It is incompetence, pure and simple.

Add to this the high percentage and processing fees (amounting to almost 20% of my total, when figuring the cuts taken on both the deposit and withdrawl sides), and the situation becomes utterly unacceptable.

In the meantime, my employer and fellow freelancer have changed over to a new service, and have processed multiple transactions at a tiny fraction of the cost, with a wait of only 2 days or less, and without being continually harassed about the nature of their business.

Your excessive requirements for use, shoddy handling of transactions, intrusive inquiry into personal business matters, poor explanation of situations, lack of response, and insulting customer service are inexcusable--especially in a company dealing with financial matters.

It is exceedingly fortunate that I am on very friendly terms with my employer, and understand that the problems I've encountered are not her fault. Such delays and obstacles as your service presents would be more than sufficient to cause a freelancer to refuse to work for an employer. A delay of months from the time of completion to the time of payment is not an option for someone who survives by freelancing.

As of the moment I cashed my check, all interaction with your service has been terminated. I only waited that long to assure that some other undisclosed "requirement" didn't pop up to prevent me from getting the funds I have earned, and am owed.

This letter will be placed in open posting on my own site, as well as other sites which I frequent--and which are frequented by other freelancers and e-commerce vendors.

M Blaze Miskulin
Owner
Dragonfly Designs

• Sometimes, the best tactic is to scrap it all and start from scratch.
• Sometimes, cell phones ringing can be really annoying.
• A picture really is worth a thousand words.
• If you forget you're boiling eggs... the water will evenually disappear and the eggs will explode
• I'm an old fogey: I use proper spelling and punctuation in my text-messaging.
• A beagle whines and barks disproportionately loud for it's small size.
• Heating ducts carry sound really well.
• English muffins toast a lot faster than bagels.

Take a look at this and tell me....

Escape Route
(opens in a new window)

.... What's wrong with this picture?

Since I've started cooking again (Thank you Michelle!), I thought it might be fun to share with you all some of the stuff I'm cooking. This way, when I suddenly drop dead from a heart-attack, you'll know why.

So, there's a new category here called (ready for this.....?) "Food" (I are so creative )

This morning's breakfast is simple.

• American fries (with garlic and black pepper)
• Toasted sour-dough English muffin
• 5-year cheddar (yes, I *do* like it a lot)
• honey-glazed turkey
• Cranberry juice
• Flavored coffee

That was going to be the title for a short story. A crappy short story that is fortunate to never have been written.

It's also a statement of how things really work.

Too many people live with a binary mind-set. It's "this or that", "us or them". They are unable to comprehend "spectrums" or "matrices". A person can like this AND that. There are us, them, and a whole range in between.

I live in an analog world. The number of things that I break down into black & white distinctions is extremely small. I've talked about my mongrel stance on politics. I'm that way on a lot of things.... where most people see two sides to an issue--and feel that a person can only hold one side or the other--I tend to see both sides of the issue, and can agree with points from both--and also with points from other viewpoints.

What holds true for politics also holds true for personal life. I don't feel that I must choose this person or that person to be my friend. I know that loving one person doesn't preclude me from loving another. And I know that there are an infinite range of ways in which love, friendship, respect, and attraction can be expressed.

My relationships don't fit well into pigeon holes. They don't fit well within the traditional categories, and labels. And they don't preclude one another.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I accept so many variations? I don't know. I'd like to think it's because I'm enlightened enough to know that the way I interact with on person has no bearing on how I interact with another person. Each relationship--like each person--is unique. And I have enough emotional capacity to share with a lot of people. A less noble part of it, however, may be a reflection of my life up to this point. I haven't had many strong relationships. I've had long stretches where I was very much alone. And now, I'm willing to accept what is offered from many different people.

I don't know exactly what I am to any one person. And I may have a difficult time putting into words what any person is to me. That does not, however, mean that I don't know. And it certainly doesn't mean that I don't feel.

I can forget, however, that others don't see the world the way that I do. Where I see a million shades of grey, they see black and white. I like my view of the world. I've worked very hard to get to the point that I can see it this way, and I don't want to give it up; one can not "unsee" a thing that has been seen. But I also know that what is right and comfortable for me, may be neither for someone else.